You walk through your life burdened with the thought, “What am I doing with my life?” It hounds you wherever you go. It haunts you when you sleep. It’s a terrifying place to be in this world. The sense of feeling lost in life is a problem that can be solved. I know, I’ve been there countless times in my life and If I knew then what I know now, my entire life would be different.
The fact that you’re reading this makes me certain that you’re ready for change things must change and they will change, but it’s a choice that you have to make. Only you. Stop waiting for somebody else to give you permission. Your life is now.
What Am I Doing with my Life?
Let’s begin to solve the timeless question of “What am I doing with my life?”
Start at the end. What do you want to be doing with your life? What type of animal are you? What’s your natural habitat.
Far too many people look at their lives through the wrong lens. The error is making decisions strictly from your feelings. You see, our feelings are a result of our upbringing, our family environment and/or forces that we weren’t entirely of control. We become a product of the life we’ve lived but in many cases, this wasn’t a choice. Life happened to us. If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, as I did, then you didn’t a say in certain aspects of who you became. I know we want to feel in control of our lives but sometimes we become someone we don’t identify with any longer.
You’re Human, Don’t Beat Yourself Up for having Doubts
Truth is, our lives ebb and flow like the tides. There are times when we know exactly what we’re doing with our lives and other times when we feel completely lost and alienated from the rest of the world. This is normal, so don’t add shame or guilt to your feelings of confusion, doubt and perhaps isolation. I know in my own life I have shifted from years of certainty to years of complete fear and anxiety for my future.
It’s important to surround yourself with people who care about you and can support you through this difficult time. Don’t bottle up your feelings and pretend as though you have all the answers when you have few. One of the most powerful tools I discovered from my own life is being completely honest with yourself and those who care about you, and acknowledge to yourself and everyone that “I have no idea what I am doing with my life, and I am afraid of the future.” And reach out for help. Actively spend your time trying to find the answers. Here are some things you can do to begin to shift your life forward:
Commit to Learning from People with Experience & Wisdom
Listen to relevant audiobooks from Amazon (called Audible), throughout your entire day. Unless you’re doing something that requires your full attention, you want to fill your brain with new ideas — better ideas than your own. I know everyone thinks they’re smarter than they are, but the truth is when we get stuck it means our best ideas got us in this situation, and our other second best ideas are not going to get us out of the situation. We need to seek knowledge from those who have overcome difficult times in their lives, and learn from them.
Accept that YOU DON’T KNOW THE ANSWER
You need to drop your ego, and leave it somewhere far away from yourself. Stay open and accept that you don’t know anything. Acknowledging that “you don’t know anything” is the most powerful state you will find to overcome this time in your life. I know it may seem counter-intuitive but when you genuinely acknowledge that you don’t have the answers, you put yourself in an open state, and you will be able to listen to a diverse range of opinions, recommendations and suggestions, without being defensive. This should be your target and initial goal — do not assume anything and listen to people smarter than you.
In fact, I recommend focusing on people who have proven their ability to overcome challenges in their life. I find audiobooks, or meaningful youTube videos and/or podcasts, an essential step in finding your way through this. Of course, friends, family, therapists, and/or your life partner are your immediate resources and support that you need to tap into. Please trust me on this, our minds are usually our worst enemy when we are in a state of feeling helpless. Our ruminations will only drive us downward.
You Need Better Ideas — Go Find Them!
What you need are practical and relevant ideas to move your forward toward a life you want to live and wake up to. This is your life, and the solution to figuring out what you should be doing with your life is unique to you. You need to filter out the garbage, while staying open to uncommon ideas that you probably never considered. Somewhere between these two extremes are the answers. At first, take in as much intelligence as you can, and trust that the answer will begin to take shape once you’ve explored a diverse range of possibilities.
Find a Group, Seek Out Experts; or Therapist (personal or career related)
We live in a time where access to information is one click away. There are many career counseling sites, or therapy sites, if you need that type of support. But also, there are countless ways to join a group of like-minded people such as Meetup.com or Facebook. You can begin looking into classes or workshops in your area, and start participating in things you enjoy doing, OR think you might enjoy doing. You want to create momentum and put yourself in a state of doing, rather than analyzing all day long. Like a good scientist, you need to test your hypothesis and assumptions.
I obviously don’t know your situation. The possible reasons why you might be reading this article is impossible for me to know. I will happily admit that I don’t know what the answer is to your conundrum and life situation until I actually know the specific details of who you are and where you are in your life. This article can’t give you specific answers, but there are common steps you can take to resolve this difficult time in your life — and I have been there many times so I know how difficult it is, especially if you don’t have the right people in your life.
Find Your Tribe, Someone you can Trust
I have had to figure out almost everything on my own in life. Rarely did I have a wise person who could evaluate the situation and present me with an intelligent and meaningful plan of action. I wish I did, believe me. All you need is one person you can trust and depend on through this time in your life. Find that one person, or two people, or three if you have them, but make sure they are looking out for your best interest, not their own.
You can’t find the right path from people who aren’t impartial and have no personal interest in the outcome. Be careful when listening to those who don’t know you or don’t understand you, or the values you live by.
There is an Answer; but you have to Discover it
Trust that the answer is waiting for you and it’s your job to find it as quickly as possible, without shaming yourself or feeling bad about feeling bad. Do not do that. Pretend that you’re searching for a lost treasure, and you absolutely know that it’s in your neighborhood, but you don’t know exactly where it is. Assume that the answer is around the corner, rather than wonder IF THERE’S AN ANSWER. This switch in perspective has made a big difference in my life. I always assume there is an answer, but I just don’t know what it is — Yet! Until I’m proven wrong, I don’t give up and neither should you. The answer is in you and around you and it’s your job to pay attention like you never have before. Take notes, write your ideas down, and your concerns. Put your soul down on paper and be honest with your feelings.
“It’s Okay, We All Get Lost Sometimes”
Writing this reminds me of a song I fell in love over the pandemic. It’s the perfect song for the times we are living in, especially when we are struggling. The song is called “It’s Okay,” and I saw it live on America’s Got Talent (AGT), from a beautiful soul (and singer) that went by the name of NightBirde. Her real name is Jane Marczewski. She had been battling cancer, but she went on the show and sang her original song and it was an extraordinary performance. Her message penetrated deep into the very heart of me, as it did for millions of other people. So far, 46 million people have watched her AGT performance. I wasn’t the only one she touched.
Now Listen to her song. Always remember that “It will be okay, no matter what you’re going through —
VIDEO / It’s Okay by NightBirde
Sadly, Jane passed away on Feb 19, 2022. Cancer shortened her powerful life. I feel sad just writing this and I never knew her. She died at 31, but she has touched more lives than most humans on earth ever will. Sometimes you need to find the inspiration around you, and reflect on the inspirational lives others have lived (as Jane had done); despite having extremely painful circumstances.
I ask you now, what do you have that is good in your life? What opportunities do you have that maybe you can’t see yet, or maybe you’ve been looking for perfection but what you have is not as bad as you make it out to be. Find the good in your life and start there. Build from where you are rather than beat yourself up for what you don’t have, or what you might have lost.
Your Life Needs A Restoration & It’s Okay, We all Do Sometimes
When you think of people who restore old classic cars or people who renovate decaying houses, think of your life as something amazing underneath some of the dust, rust or decay. It may not look or feel ideal, and in fact far from it, but you know who you are and underneath the surface you have a powerful light that the world needs to see.
Start here from exactly where you are, forgive yourself and use all of your time to build that bridge from where you are to where you want to go. You will get there, BUT ONLY IF YOU BEGIN RIGHT NOW, not tomorrow or next week, start now, and don’t stop. Once you have a little momentum you will feel much better than you do right now. Just trust me on this one.
You Are Not Alone in Your Pain
We all get stuck in life, and some more than others. Life is never a straight line and this global pandemic should be a reminder to us all — so many people have lost the certainty and spine of their life as a result of the pandemic, including myself. These past two years have been very difficult for myself as well. I have no shame in sharing that, and no matter what you’re struggling with, do not talk down to yourself. There’s nothing wrong with you as person because you’re feeling lost.
Let’s Talk — You Have Nothing to Lose
If you resonate with anything I’ve written and you’re curious or interested in getting my direct perspective then don’t hesitate to reach out to me and maybe we can setup a 30 minute chat over the phone, at no cost. I’m merely adding this gesture on the slight chance that you want to hear a different perspective. I’m not here to sell myself, but I will say that I am good at getting to the core of any problem, then finding a rational solution that addresses that actual problem.
Most people project their bias onto other people with potentially harmful outcomes. That’s not how you’ll get to a satisfying outcome. You need to create a life that aligns with the animal that you are. You need to find your habitat where you can thrive. If you try to force yourself to being someone you are not; the problem won’t be solved, but it might seem like it is. Better ideas attuned to your specific life will lead you to your golden treasure.
Be Good to Yourself When Nobody Else Will
That’s all for now. Be well everybody, and as Steve Perry from Journey once sang — “Be good to yourself when nobody else will.”
Music can Be Good for the Soul
One last piece of advice: Make a playlist of uplifting songs that will inspire you when you need an extra boost of energy or you feel your spirits waning. Put on your playlist when you need a jolt. AND No, it won’t solve anything, I’m not naive or Pollyanna about life, but in our challenging times we need a full toolbox that we can draw upon at a moments notice. Change happens with small changes that accumulate over time, and eventually you’ll get the big payoff if you keep up the fight.
Every idea I’ve shared is a tool you can use to help you shift toward the best version of yourself You wouldn’t be a very good mechanic if you only had a monkey wrench in your tool box, would you?
The ideas in this article are practical and they work. It’s your choice to incorporate them into your life. This article is not intended to have all the answers. I’ll save that for my book.
Reach out for Professional Help if you need it — PLEASE
If you are feeling depressed, anxious or suicidal then please contact a health professional immediately. Your life is precious and it’s okay to need help. There is no shame in that. You will get through this no matter how bad it seems. Here are some caring resources for you to reach out to at anytime, either right now or at 3am. Thanks for your reading. Be good to to yourself.
These crisis services are available 24 hours a day / 365 days a year:
Online Therapy
Better Help / Find an online therapist